Sailor Deathmatch
by Neptune's Mask
Summary: Random story about Sailor Moon meets Celebrity Deathmatch.


**Sailor Deathmatch**

co-authored with Haruka's Knight, enjoy!

_Announcer's voice over intercom: "_And today on Celebrity Deathmatch, we have Seiya and Chiba Mamoru from Sailor Moon doing battle, to the death, for the love of one Tsukino Usagi. These skilled competitors will duel without the use of transformations, and the question everyone's asking is, Who will get the girl?"

As expected, the competition is fierce. Seiya and Mamoru fight well, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. 23 year old Tenoh Haruka, however, has other plans. She fidgets in her chair next to her lovely girlfriend, Kaioh Michiru, who is still wondering what on earth she is doing at a wrestling match. Michiru attempts to keep Haruka calm, but the blonde tomboy seems beyond reach now, as she springs to her feet in frustration, hands her precious car keys and sunglasses to Michiru, and storms off toward the ring. The two men continue their battle, oblivious to the approaching danger.

"Why won't you just say screw the rules, and transform? Fight me like a man!" Seiya shouts above the ruckus.

Mamoru smirks, and replies," Ah, but see were I to transform, you would also, and I simply couldn't hit a girl, even one as manly as you Seiya. You cross-dressing, outer-galactic, hermaphrodite!"

Seiya looks stunned before regaining his composure, and retorting with his fist as well as his tongue. "So what if I become a female when I transform? Usagi still wanted me after knowing that! And at least I don't throw roses to interrupt other people's fights, and even worse, say horribly cliche things because I'm trying to encourage others. Your attempts only make everyone more distracted!"

Seiya promptly received a well-delivered blow to the back of the head, and all those watching were caught off guard, including Mamoru, as Mamoru wasn't the culprit. The long haired man fell unceremoniously with a thud. The crowd gasped when they saw who had entered the ring, for perched on one of the posts, wearing a satisfied smirk, was none other than Haruka. She raised her golden head in mockery of the now unconscious Seiya, before turning to Mamoru. Mamoru didn't appear to know whether to shake her hand, or back away for fear of being her next target. His lack of action though, quickly revealed Haruka's intentions as she slowly walked towards him, that cocky smile still in place.

"Chiba-san," she said, bowing slightly, before assuming an offensive stance.

"Tenoh-san," he replied in turn, warily trying to evaluate whether or not she was in fact, serious. He found his answer in form of the swift kick to his kidney, causing his eyes to water, and him to drop to his knees.

Haruka went on the attack again, this time, punching Mamoru square in the jaw with a swift uppercut. He lay on the ground, seemingly still conscious, but didn't dare move a muscle.

"You're not good enough for the Princess either!" Haruka yelled, then, brought a well muscled knee down on his head. She retained her smug expression, as she proceeded to remove her black long sleeved Oxford shirt to reveal a white T-shirt bearing the phrase,'Lesbians, taste the rainbow.'

She indicated her shirt, waved her arms to get the attention of the announcer to get her own microphone. "We're number one! We're number one! We're number one!" She ran around the ring and kicked them both in the head again for good measure, and shouted,

"I have more testosterone than both of you! Ha! Right honey?"she asked, running up to Michiru to give her the over shirt. Michiru slapped a hand to her forehead as if to say she didn't know the sexy crazy woman in front of her. Haruka kissed her before running back to the ring to gloat more.

"Someone stop her, please," she whispered under her breath.

As Haruka continues dancing around, repeatedly kicking the unconscious Seiya and Mamoru in the head, a shadow suddenly appeared behind her, revealing a tall woman with dark green hair and garnet eyes. The Time Staff came crashing down on the back of Haruka's unsuspecting head. Setsuna bowed in Michiru's direction before disappearing again.

Michiru smiled and said a muted,"Thank you," where Setsuna had been a moment ago before approaching the ring to retrieve her girlfriend. She reached through the rubber sides to grab a hold of Haruka's leg. She slowly tugged, trying to be careful, but lost her grip and accidentally dropped the unconscious Haruka on her face. Michiru winced and attempted to right her and get back to their seats. 'Oh god I hope I didn't break her nose!' she thought, observing the blood flowing freely from the blonde's face.

Suddenly Johnny Depp as Captain Sparrow stumbles through the crowd asking,"But why is the rum gone?" and trips over the bleeding Haruka, landing atop of her.

"Oh for the love of god!" Michiru shouts, dropping to her knees in slightly bemused agitation.

She waits a while, attempting to shove the drunken pirate off of her girlfriend, while at the same time, trying to pull Haruka toward her, and managed to knock her once more, on her nose. Eventually she disentangled the captain from Haruka, only for him to grasp her wrist, asking again why the rum is gone? The sea senshi had reached her limit, shouting "Deep Submerge!"as a wall of water threatened to nearly drown all those in close proximity to her. Apparently the promise was not lost on Depp, because he quickly–well as quickly as a drunk person can move–got out of her way.

Michiru regained her composure, the tidal wave was subdued to a cool mist in the arena, and made her way gradually back to where they had been sitting, and came face to face with Usagi.

"Poor Haruka-san," she said quietly, before transforming, and appeared holding the Silver Crystal. "This will fix you," and she gently touched Haruka's face, healing her broken nose beautifully.

"Thank you Princess," Michiru said, bowing low.

"Not a problem," she replied, smiling and returning to her usual self. "I can't carry Mamoru or Seiya, so I'm going to let security take care of them, and go get doughnuts."

Michiru blinked, and lightly touched a hand to her princess's arm, "As you wish Princess, but I simply have to know, do you really think Mamoru-san is the right one for you?"

Usagi looked puzzled."Well, to tell you the truth, when I thought Mamoru had abandoned me, I was very nearly tempted to turn to Seiya. But Mamo-chan came back to me, and I more or less forgot the idea. Perhaps I made the wrong decision? Perhaps not, only time will tell." She smiled brightly again, and waved as she took off.

Michiru wasn't entirely sure what to think of that response, but shrugged it off, glad to see that Haruka was no longer bleeding, and tried to rouse her so that they might go home. The response she got being simply a muffled,"We're number one." Michiru shook her head, and enlisted the help of Hotaru to get Haruka back to the car, and get her home.

If not for Usagi's intervention, Michiru would have been sure to wake Haruka and make sure she hadn't received a concussion, but she was confident in her princess's healing powers, and let the tomboy sleep.

Come morning, Haruka finally opened her teal eyes, and jumped when she saw Michiru, and said,

"Wait, are you the good witch or the bad witch?"

Michiru blinked sleepily in confusion. "What on earth are you talking about Haruka?"

Haruka shook her head, and seemed to calm down again. "Well, you are very pretty, and you aren't trying to steal my running shoes, or Hotaru, so I guess you're the good witch," suddenly though, she sat straight up,"Oh no! How did I end up falling asleep next to you? My girlfriend's going to kill me!" as Haruka panics.

Michiru glares in her direction," Haruka, I AM your girlfriend, and you're right I'm going to kill you if you don't shut up," she says before kissing her, and rolling back over.

The haze around Haruka's memory lifts, and she blushes red once she realizes the nonsense she must have been babbling from being unconscious.

"Michi?" she questions quietly to the contoured back facing her.

"What?" is the kind, if strained reply.

"I'm sorry about that. I love you," Haruka said, moving a tad closer to her girlfriend, and though she didn't see it, Michiru smiled.

"Ruka, I love you too, now go back to sleep before you start rambling again."

Haruka's blush returns, and closes her eyes, muttering softly that Usagi shouldn't be a ballerina.

The End!

**Neptune's Mask**

A/N: Hope you liked it. Random story ideas from late night conversations. Right Ruka? .


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